I welcome all newcomers and novices to the BDSM world and am happy to help out anyone that needs My advice.
First, of course you have to have a genuine interest in the craft, being sure that no one is dragging you into something that you do not want to do.
Second, have an open mind and never judge anyone’s fetish, whatever it is. Just because you are not into… ’nuff said.
Third, be prepared to get the “tools” needed to do the job. Most of these items are expensive. Just remember, you get what you pay for. I always say, “Cheap items are not good. Good items are not cheap.”
I wanted to share My favorite BDSM toys and gear I think are essential for any “kit” in an easy format. Everyone has to start somewhere, this is a BDSM toy guide for anyone starting a collection. Whether you are a domestic Dominatrix in training, a couple looking to spice things up or a loyal sub with dreams of having the perfect toy kit. This list is for you.
Strap-on Harness
Every Dominatrix needs a good harness that fits well, is comfortable and gets the job done right. For the beginning Dominatrix you might think “I will get an all in one outfit” but this is a mistake. A Strap-on kit usually comes with a nylon strap harness and dildo(s) that are, at best, so-so (usually too big or too small.) It may take a while to figure out what you like best. One of My favorites is a leather thong harness that can be converted and has the leather treated so it’s easy to clean and doesn’t break down over time. Try Extreme Restraints.
Dildos
It will take a while for anyone who is a beginner Dominatrix to figure out what kind of dildos they like but I recommend materials that are body safe over jelly toys or PVC. I think it’s important to make sure it’s easy to clean/cover as well. Tantusinc.com has a great selection of toys to choose from that come in a variety of colors and sizes.
Restraints
Restraints are very personal in their appeal. Maybe you’re a leather fan, or perhaps you enjoy the art of rope bondage. For example, you can use rope to tie a set of handcuffs or create a cuff that you can attach anywhere. I began with rope and still find its meditative process to be grounding and a great way of building energy and anticipation within the scene. Leather cuffs are kind of generic and don’t require a lot of skill to use, but they are a great way for beginners to get started and are a sure way of keeping your sub from getting “loose.”
Impact Toys
What is classic and unforgettable? The mental image of a Dominatrix with the whip, right? It is, however; learning to use a whip that takes a lot of practice. I suggest starting with something like a riding crop, paddle, cane or flogger first. These toys come in many different shapes and sizes. I suggest you get many different types and experiment.
Sensory play Toys
Ahh, sensory play. There are so many different ways you can go with this. Pinwheels, soft floggers, electro play, blindfolds… It all depends on the vibe of the scene. Sensory play increases suspense when you use it to build a scene or it can push the experience over the top. You can’t go wrong with a Pinwheel and blindfold, honestly. I like playing the game of keeping Myself using many random toys and seeing how much I can do with them.
Hoods and Masks
Hoods and such aren’t for everyone, some people feel very claustrophobic in them but I think they are a great tool to have in your tool kit. You can surprise someone with sensations, (sensory play,) or you can take complete control of them. Personally, I like all hood types. Hoods with holes for the mouth and eyes, hoods with no holes, or a mix of them all. Masks do the same and are a great way to start before moving on to a hood.
Nipple play
Surprisingly, many don’t know about the benefits of exploring nipple play. Nipples are an unfortunately overlooked erogenous zone. I like to warm up with plastic clothes pins which are easily cleanable. If you want to leave the realm of sensory exploration, you can make them squirm with a strong set of clover clamps.
Gags
Is your sub too noisy? Plug their mouth with a gag to really make them feel helpless! I like ball gags personally but a good dental gag or even a ring gag has a place in My dungeon. I love versatility in all My toys so I find a good collection to be a perfect fit.
Paddles
How will your sub(s) know that you mean business unless you can really give them a good, hard spanking? I have a variety of paddles in many different kinds of wood, and yes the wood makes a difference as it hits differently. More importantly, I have yet to break a wooden paddle. (Canes are different of course.)
A Collar
Another great way to show your sub ownership! Many subs have told Me how a collar has had a profound, emotional impact on them. Why not use that power to control them and pull them exactly into the headspace that you want? Lead them around and help them find their sub space by locking a collar on. A formal leather slave collar is wonderful but so is a dog collar. What is your preference? I think quality is very important, so over time you will want to get your sub a quality leather collar that they are proud to wear anywhere.
These are some of the items I suggest you purchase (or make them if you are on a budget,) to get started on a long and wonderfully fun and pleasurable journey. Experiment and get creative! Just make sure you have a good safe word and know how to use it…
Pornstar Ashlee Chambers 